-
Don't like my attitude?
Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
-
Fire Fire ! Go Call Fire
Dept.
-
Cool Man ! But Dont Get
Freeze
-
Out of my mind. Back in
five minutes
-
Unite against
togetherness!
-
Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna
Keep On Dreamin
-
If your name was
homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
-
No fear! (NAME) is here!
-
I Don’t Like The Drugs,
But The Drugs Like Me
-
Life's a bitch. Be its
pimp
-
I'm better than normal,
I'm abnormal!
-
A drunken man's words
are a sober man's thoughts
-
Save a tree, eat a
beaver
-
By the time you read
this, you've already read it
-
Most people are only
alive because it is illegal to shoot them
-
Quitting smoking is
easy, I've done it a hundred times
-
I don't curse, drink and
smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
-
Dont steal, the
government hates competition
-
If you hate me, i love
you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
-
Why do kamikaze pilots
wear helmets?
-
Save a horse, ride a
Cowboy!
-
The higher you are, the
farther you fall
-
Intelligence could be
instinct which has it at the wrong end
-
When life hands you a
lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
-
What is arrogance?
Thinking you can compete with me!
-
I’ve lost my phone
number, can I have yours?
-
Not me, not now, maybe
later...
-
Life's a beach... Surf
it up!
-
Trying is the first step
towards failure
-
I think crime pays. The
hours are good, you travel a lot
-
If it is tourist season,
why can't we shoot them?
-
Alcohol doesn't solve
any problems, but milk do?
-
Smile and the world
smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
-
I'm more drunk than a
three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
-
When I'm good I'm very
good but when I'm bad I'm better
-
To alcohol! The cause of
and solution to all life's problems
-
WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ...
Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
-
I avoid temptation
unless I can't resist it
-
I love work; it
fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
-
Booze may not be the
answer, but it helps you to forget the question
-
Ever stop to think, and
forget to start again?
-
There are no stupid
questions, just stupid people
-
Why do we park on
driveways and drive on parkways?
-
When cows laugh, does
milk come out of their nose?
-
Gravity always wins
-
The easiest way to avoid
a hangover is to just stay drunk
-
There are some that are
wise and others that are otherwise
-
I'm not an alcoholic. I
am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
-
Buy land, they have quit
making it!
-
Don't judge a man by his
boxers, it's what's inside that counts
-
I'm not suffering from
insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
-
Eat healthy, exercise
more, still die
-
Politicians prefer
unarmed peasants
-
Time is what keeps
things from happening all at once
-
Women/Men who seek to be
equal with men/women lack ambition
-
What happens if you get
scared half to death... twice?
-
Smile, it makes people
wonder what you're up too..
-
Opinions are like
assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
-
Sometimes I wish I were
you, just so I could be friends with me
-
Of all the things I've
lost, I miss my mind the most
-
If marriage is outlawed,
only outlaws will have inlaws
-
I don't have to be
careful, I've got a gun
